My Name Is Aeryn Sun
by lucychatterly
Summary: Post PKW. Aeryn reflects on how her life has changed in the five cycles since she met that strange man, John Crichton.


_**So this is my first Farscape fic so be nice =P**_

_**If I feel like it, I might add to it at some point =)**_

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><p><em>'My name is Aeryn Sun… former Peacekeeper Commando, Icarion Company, Pleisar Regiment. Five cycles ago I was deemed Irreversibly Contaminated, stripped of my position and exiled. All because of one man… John Crichton.<em>

_He irritated me, aggravated me… intrigued me. He was so… so Sebacean, but so different. We fought… a lot. But there was always something about him that made me want to know who he really was… behind the fahrbot gestures, behind the frelled-up jokes. As it appears, that _was_ who he really was… and still is._

_People change… I have. But despite all we've been through, I still see in him the John I saw in that first moment. He's stronger, smarter, yes but his levity has remained a constant. I see the changes in us, from who we were to who we are. I was cold, hostile. I didn't understand emotions… and I didn't want to. He was simple-minded, lost. He was determined to get home… and he wouldn't stop until he got there. And had I not learnt that emotions were not a weakness but something to cherish, he may never have realised this _is _his home. Here. With me._

_If someone had told me five cycles ago that I would still be in the company of this man, they wouldn't have lived to tell the tale. And if they'd told me he would father my child… even I don't know how that would've ended._

_But here, aboard Moya, with him… them, well I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. We still have our fights, but they no longer end up with one of us out cold. We're not perfect… but who is?_

_If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be Captain Sun by now. I'd have my own squadron. I might even be in the runnings for Grand Chancellor. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be more than that. John Crichton may have ruined my life… but I couldn't be more grateful for it.'_

Aeryn closed the leather-bound book and looked over to the sleeping man beside her. The same man that had ruined her life all those cycles ago simply by being dragged through a wormhole into it. She'd never kept a diary, but when John told her it was a great stress reliever, she'd immediately 'borrowed' one of his empty journals and hidden it for her own use. She'd placed it in the top drawer of the table next to the bed. John knew not to go in there; that fight _had_ ended with one of them out cold.

When she heard a stirring across the room, her eyes shot to the crib under the small window. Deke was usually a sound sleeper – like his father – but lately, he'd taken to waking in the night, disturbing both their sleeps. John, on the other hand, slept though pretty much everything.

She pushed the sheets back and got out of the bed; no matter how many times she did, the harsh coldness of the floor never failed to startle her.

As she walked to the babe, she asked herself how something so small could be so loud and was reminded of Rygel when she did so.

Aeryn picked Deke up and cradled him in her arms. Before him, the only thing she'd cradled was a weapon. Motherhood was… different. But she found herself enjoying it a little more every solar day. Every time he smiled, her heart melted. And it showed. John was forever teasing the former emotionless soldier about how she was becoming more and more Human. Despite his frequent claims that his race was superior, Human was not something she wished to be. For the first time in her life, she was completely happy with who she was; to long of being something else would be impractical.

Deke's tears didn't cease as Aeryn continued to hold him. It pained her that she couldn't understand him. If she didn't know what he wanted, how was she supposed to help him? She began to hum a low melody in an attempt to calm him; John had told her that women on Earth often sung to their children and Aeryn had found it particularly effective as of late.

When Deke finally fell back to sleep, and after carefully placing him down in his crib, she climbed back into her own bed, laying her head on John's chest.

She closed her eyes and felt him stir beneath her.

"Mommy Peacekeeper doing the rounds again?" he joked, his voice hoarse.

She should've known the silence wouldn't last long.

"Shut up and go back to sleep." She smiled as she hit him lightly on the arm.

Listening to the beating of his heart made Aeryn's head clear, leaving her to attempt sleep in the peace she so desperately needed.


End file.
